Fic: The Cave #1, Peter & Jared, PG
Sep. 16th, 2014 08:04 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
rethrin.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
franklin_bashAuthor: rethrin
Pairing: Peter&Jared
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~6500
Warnings: None
Summary: Peter and Jared teenage cave fic.
"Do you know if your friend's coming?" Shelley asked from the seat in front of Jared's on the minibus.
"Who?"
"You know, from the state school, really really bad at strip poker," she said with a grin.
"Oh, Peter. I don't know." A nonchalant shrug.
"If he is will you introduce me?"
Jared smiled, not feeling it, but doing it anyway. "Sure, yeah."
She turned back around, satisfied. Jared went back to his book and ignored the lump in his throat.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
The bus left the city far behind and wound its way into the mountains, to some resort the school board had got on the cheap in the off-season. Eventually they pulled up in front of some low wooden huts which would be their home for the weekend. They were old, the paint flaking off and the steps rotting. Jared wasn't surprised, the whole thing was running on next to no funding, local firms - his dad's included - looking to get as much good press as possible for as little cash.
He got off the bus, greeted by the freezing mountain air, and Peter was the first thing he saw. The only thing he saw if he wanted to be truthful about it.
Jared hadn't seen him for two months, hadn't properly talked to him in twice that. But he hadn't really changed, slightly taller, and his hair cut shorter. He hadn't seen him since the party Shelley had been talking about; a party which Jared had been invited to, rather than helped plan. And a party Peter had spent with his new friends, laughing about in jokes Jared didn't understand, things that were only funny if you'd been there. A party Jared had spent feeling like he was dying inside because Peter hardly looked at him, and worse because they had nothing to talk about when he did.
Now he was standing laughing with his tall, sporty friends, and chatting up Emily Price, the prettiest girl in Jared's whole school. Jared kept his head down and walked past them, looking for hut C and hoping desperately that fate wasn't cruel enough to put him in Peter's dorm.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Jared lucked out, dorms were segregated by school. He picked a bottom bunk, and lay low there all afternoon. He could hear everyone else exploring the camp, and each other, but he didn't want any part of it. He buried himself in his book.
In the evening there was a barbecue and bonfire, with 'getting to know you' exercises. Jared couldn't think of anything he wanted less than to get to know anyone here. He just wanted to live through it and then go home. But his absence was noticed and a teacher came to fetch him.
There were maybe forty students altogether, sixteen and seventeen year olds which made Jared was one of the youngest, having only turned sixteen last month. A mixture from all three schools of the local area, gathered together for an outdoor wilderness experience. It was supposed to "foster friendship and understanding between the different student populations". Everyone at the schools knew it would only foster bullying and cement feuds, but someone high up had decided it was just a swell idea so here they were.
First they were arranged into an inner and outer circle and they had to move round in opposite directions, stopping when the music did and talking to the person in front of them about whatever stupid topic the guy leading this whole thing gave them.
Jared was outside, Peter in. They caught each others eye the first time past, and Peter sort of nodded a hello. Jared would have done too, but by then he was already gone. From then on he just kept his eyes down.
Until after a few rounds the music stopped them right opposite one another.
"Hey," Peter said. "Didn't know you'd be here."
"Yeah, dad's idea," Jared replied and then looked away from the all too familiar understanding in Peter's eyes.
The sound of the microphone cut in. "Tell each other about your teddy bear when you were young," a voice instructed.
Peter and Jared both pulled faces at the lameness of the question, nearly identical expressions. Jared had forgotten what that felt like.
"Sammy," Peter said.
Jared smiled, that was his own bear, not Peter's. "Princess Flower," he said in reply, but quietly so nobody near them would be able to tease Peter about his love for an old hippy rag doll.
"Yeah," Peter said quietly, in a tone Jared didn't quite understand, but it didn't matter because the music started again and they moved on.
The next time the music stopped the topic was worse. "Tell each other about your best friend."
Jared listened while some girl told him that her best friend was Tracy and they were in the chess club and they'd met last month at the interstate championships and they spoke on the phone every day.
"How about you?" she asked brightly.
"Uh," Jared shook his head a tiny bit, but he knew he had to say something or she was going to think he was a total loser. "Jackson, he's in my class, we're on the polo team."
The music started and they moved on again.
There were more 'games' and then food and dancing. If anyone had asked him he would have sworn blind he hadn't really thought about Peter for months, but it had always been a lie and now it was impossible to fake. Even over all the noise, all the people, he could hear when Peter laughed, his eyes searched him out despite himself. He couldn't hear anything people said, could barely eat. He left early and went back to his bunk.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
The next morning was easy. They had lessons in reading maps and compasses. Basic orientation stuff. Jared found he could keep to himself quite easily, stay at the edge of the group and learn enough to pass the quick test they had before lunch.
Then the afternoon was given over to building shelters, rafts, and traps. They were split into groups of five. Peter was over on the other side of the lake from Jared, but one of his friends, Bret, was in Jared's team.
Jared didn't pay much attention to the instructions because he couldn't concentrate any better here than he did at school or anywhere else these days. And he knew he wasn't helping much with the building either. They didn't need him anyhow, Bret seemed to assume he was in charge, and they all went along with it because they didn't care one way or the other.
Bret designed a terrible shelter, and then got furious when anyone made any suggestions or changes. It turned out wobbly and top heavy. Jared and Peter had spent most of the summer when they were twelve building dens in the forest so Jared knew all the mistakes Bret was making. But Bret didn't want to hear them and Jared didn't care enough to try twice.
Anna was a quiet girl, the kind of plain that made Jared shy to ask where she was from in case she was in his class and he'd just never noticed. She didn't seem to want to be there any more than Jared did, and quite clearly didn't like Bret much, rolling her eyes and sighing behind his back. Jared loved her for it.
About two hours into the whole thing she tripped and fell. She did it in such an explosion that it brought the entire shelter - such that it was - down with her into the mud. It was the funniest thing Jared had ever seen. He held back laughter until she started laughing herself, then joined in helplessly. The shelter was in ruins and they only had about ten minutes left on it. He held out his hand to help her back up.
"Just leave her there, she'll be more help out of the fucking way," Bret said, angrily. Not laughing, not even close.
"Dude, give it a rest," Jared said, pulling Anna to her feet.
Bret looked at him. "You know Pete always talked about you like you were cool," he said. "Guess people change, huh?" He stormed off to shout at the rest of their group who were making a start on the raft.
"Ignore him," Anna said as Jared mouthed 'Pete?' with a look of disgust. "He's in my class, always been a dick, always will be. Thinks he's all that, good looking, on the football team. Him, Evan and Pete. Knobheads one and all, but they think they rule the school."
Jared stared at her open mouthed until he noticed she was looking at him funny. "Peter's, uh, sort of... I didn't think he was like that," he said weakly.
Anna looked surprised. "Is he your friend?"
Jared shrugged like he didn't know. Because he didn't know.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Later they all gathered by the lake to test the rafts. They didn't have to go out on them thank god, Jared could see his breath in the air so the water must be freezing. But they were going to be launched, to see if they could float and take the weight of a couple of large rocks.
Jared's group had come last in shelter building, hadn't really excelled in the trapping or tracking tests either. Bret was fuming and Peter and Evan - their team easily out in front - had been teasing him about it, making it worse. Jared looked at their 'raft' critically. He didn't think Bret's day was about to get any better.
It floated. Or half of it did. Sort of just under the surface of the water. But it didn't sink completely. Jared thought that was pretty good. Bret didn't. Peter and Evan started loudly humming the funeral march.
"Tomorrow I'm on your team or I'm heading home," Bret said to them loudly. "Had to lead this lot through every single step and they still couldn't tie a fucking knot properly."
Evan grinned. "Thought you said shorty was pretty smart, Pete. Don't know what they're teaching over at high tower, probably just which spoon to use for caviar, and how to tie a bowtie."
"How to suck ass at the golf club," Bret added, walking to stand with them rather than his own team. "Kissing up to other rich folks, getting deals the rest of us could do twice as good if our daddies knew the right people."
Jared didn't look at them, because he didn't want to see what Peter was doing. Peter wasn't saying anything in his defence, which was all Jared really needed to know, he didn't need to see him smiling or laughing too.
He looked at the ground until Anna came over and started chatting to him, pointedly ignoring them. Then she pulled him away to look at how the next raft along was getting on. Jared loved her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
He woke up the next day with a vague sense of optimism that the worst of it was over. There was more free time this morning, then a hike in the afternoon. And tomorrow they'd let him go home.
His optimism was diminished when he realised they were going to drive them out into the middle of nowhere and expect them to find their own way home again. He'd been planning - same as most of the camp probably - to set out, hole up somewhere for the day, and then show up again in time for supper and claim he'd done the whole thing.
But in the end it wasn't so bad. He managed to get left on his own, it was pretty easy walking, seemed like it'd all be downhill back to camp. Then he tripped on a root, slipped on ice trying to correct himself, and his feet flew out from under him.
He flew down the hillside. It was steep, branches and rocks grazing him as he desperately struggled to stop himself.
When he finally did stop it was because he got caught around a tree, knocking the breath out of him, a lancing pain shooting through his middle. For a minute or two he couldn't remember where he was or how he'd got there. His head swam. His ankle hurt and there was blood on his arm, dizzily he thought he must have been attacked. Then he shook it off, he'd fallen, that was all.
He picked himself up. His ankle was badly twisted, but probably not broken. He was grazed all over his arms, had a huge bump on his head, and he was going to have the most amazing bruise where the tree had finally caught him, but apart from that he was basically in one piece.
He even thought that perhaps this would be better than spending the rest of the day trekking up and down mountains. This way they'd figure out he was missing and come fetch him, and he couldn't get into trouble for falling. They'd drive him back. Maybe even let him go home tonight instead of tomorrow morning.
Then he noticed he'd lost his pack with the radio in it, and the food, the map, the compass... He frowned. He thought then that maybe he'd been slightly stupid to separate from his group. Maybe something more than stupid. He wished it wasn't raining.
An hour later, and he missed the rain. The sleet was worse. It had been a cold day, the ground was already frozen, so the sleet was settling, making everything blind underfoot, and nearly impossible to see more than a yard in front of him. It was early in the year for snow. Or late. Jared couldn't remember. It wasn't right though, and it was dark, much darker than it should be. He'd spent the hour trying to make his way back up the hill, keeping an eye out for his pack, but he hadn't found it; and he hadn't found the path either. He had a headache and it was getting colder every second. He'd lost one glove in the fall, and a little later he'd misjudged a leap across a stream and ended up with water in both his boots. His ankle was worse than ever.
He tried to remember anything the instructors had tried to teach him the day before, but all he could really remember them saying was how important it was to stay with your group and not leave the paths. He sighed and kept trudging forward.
Time passed and he was pretty sure he was going in circles. Sometimes he couldn't remember if he'd been out here for hours or days.
It had started to snow properly, heavy and thick, and the trees were denser here, blocking the light. Jared's whole body ached, his legs were heavy and his head was floating. There was blood in his mouth where he'd bitten the inside of his cheek. He decided to sit for a while, get his strength before he carried on. They'd find him soon.
He woke up with cramps in his stomach. He leaned over and vomited. He rinsed his mouth with snow which made his teeth hurt.
He was shivering so hard he could barely see, and besides that snow was camouflaging everything. He couldn't even remember what direction he'd been walking in before he sat down. The wind blasted in his face and he shuddered, it took everything he had to force himself to his feet. He could hardly walk now, he tried to shelter behind a tree, but the wind was apparently coming from everywhere at once now. He should build a shelter. A better shelter than the one fucking Bret had made. He was going to do that. In a minute.
He sat down again to think about it, decide where it would be best to put it, to make a plan. He rubbed his hands together. He thought about how furious his dad would be if he died during an outdoor survival weekend which his dad's firm were sponsoring. A bubble of laughter escaped him at that. It would be worth dying just to see the look on his face. Another laugh. He closed his eyes just for a minute.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Someone was shaking him, touching him, he hurt everywhere, he was asleep, he wanted to stay asleep, someone was shaking him.
"Don'," he said, trying to shove whoever it was away. He was dying and they shouldn't bother him when he was dying. "G'off."
Dizziness engulfed him, and he could see white mist even though his eyes were closed. It was in his head with him, white mist everywhere, he breathed it in, faded away.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
"You're okay, you're okay, talk to me, come on."
There was warmth in front of him, Jared pressed into it, trying to get away from the noise, the voice that wouldn't be quiet. It took a long time until he realised the noise and the warmth were the same thing.
"Shhhhh," he said, shivering. His head hurt. "Shh."
"Can you hear me? Jared? Are you okay?"
Jared was tired, he tried to move but arms held him steady. The mist was still there, at the edges. He turned towards it-
"Don't."
Something shook him, pain flared and his eyes blinked open in surprise, but it was dark and he couldn't focus, he was tired.
"Stay awake, okay, just stay here."
He hit at the arms that were shaking him, meaning to get away, but all he actually did was grip them weakly and try to hold on. They were solid and real and he needed to keep hold of something real. He tried to speak but his voice wasn't there, he started coughing instead and suddenly the arms were the only thing keeping him together.
"It's okay."
There was water against his lips as the coughing passed. He opened his mouth and swallowed. It was so cold it sharpened the pain in his head, and his throat, but it woke him some more too, pushed away the mist.
"Hey." The voice was warm and familiar.
Jared thought it must be his brother, which was weird because he didn't have one. He was tired.
"It's me. It's Peter."
It wasn't Peter. Peter wasn't here, he was warm and safe some place else, with his tall athletic dick friends.
"You're okay."
Jared was pretty sure he wasn't that okay. He hurt. All over. His eyes still weren't focusing, it was dark but there was some light he saw now, flickering.
"You're okay."
It didn't sound like Peter, it sounded broken and hoarse.
"What's... where're?" He couldn't manage sentences, could barely manage words. He was deeply profoundly tired.
"Don't worry, just stay with me," Peter said. "Shit, I thought you were..." He didn't say it and didn't need to. "Fuck."
He didn't explain, just kept repeating 'you're okay' like a mantra. Jared liked it, he was floating but he could feel the beat of that holding him up.
Peter made Jared take another sip of water, and then went to put more wood on the fire. When he came back he wrapped him up tightly in an emergency blanket, tucking it in all around him. Jared thought they might be on a boat. He couldn't remember why they were on a boat, but he couldn't remember a reason for being cold and hurt either, and it would explain why the ground was moving under him, and there was a roar in his ears that might be waves. He decided not to worry about it, Peter went sailing with his dad once, he'd know what to do.
After a while Jared noticed that Peter was shivering next to him, he frowned because it wasn't that cold any more. Then he noticed that he was lying on one thick silver blanket and had another wrapped over him, while Peter didn't have any. He rolled to get off the one blanket and hand it over, but Peter's hands caught him and easily stopped him.
"What're you doing?"
"S'cold," he said blurrily. "You need..." He tugged at the blanket to get it to Peter, but it was very hard keeping his eyes open, and his hands didn't seem to be where he thought they were.
"You have to keep warm," Peter said.
Jared nodded. That was important. The sea was cold. He tugged Peter to come closer so he could catch him if he fell. Peter only resisted for a second, then gratefully moved in under the blanket that Jared lifted for him. Jared pressed the full length of his body against Peter, slipped his arms around him, under Peter's thick coat. He didn't have a sweater on, Jared frowned at that. Stupid to come to sea without a sweater. After a second Peter put his arms around him and pulled the blanket securely around them both.
They lay like that for what seemed a long time. Warmth slowly seeped into Jared's skin, though he didn't expect it would ever reach his bones. He zoned out for a long while. Aware of warmth, and of Peter's hand stroking his back. Aware of Peter still muttering 'you're okay' every now and then. Aware of Peter breathing, Jared breathed in time.
"Shouldn've a fire."
"What?"
"Fire onna boat."
"Shhhh. You're okay."
Jared dreamed that he was in a bubble on the ocean, no shore in sight. No stars either. Just darkness and waves. But he was safe.
He opened his eyes and the world swam.
He closed them again.
"Feet."
"You okay?"
Jared shook his head. "Don' have feet."
Peter let go of him. Peter was going to leave him because he didn't have feet. He didn't need Peter anyway if he was going to be like that.
Peter pulled at the blanket, letting the cold air into the pocket of warmth they'd been living in until then. Jared tried to kick him and was happily surprised to find he had feet to kick with. Peter caught one foot easily and slipped it into a scruffy grey sock. Then he did the same with Jared's other foot, being gentler because every time he touched it pain ran from Jared's ankle to his knee. Then Peter came back under the blanket and held Jared just as close as before and rubbed his hands over Jared's back, getting them both warm again while Jared let his eyes drift closed. Let his thoughts drift away again.
He didn't know how much time passed, but eventually his thoughts started joining up a little. He still felt like the world was tipping, like he would slide away any moment, but he could open his eyes without heaving. And he got enough feeling back in his body that he could feel how cold he was. And bruised. His ankle was throbbing in time with his pulse.
They weren't at sea. Jared remembered the camp, parts of it at least. He remembered falling, although in his head it felt like a long time ago, months maybe. It hurt, trying to make sense of it.
And Peter was holding him. He'd found him even though Jared himself had no idea where he was, and even though they weren't friends any more.
"How'd you find me?"
"They told us you'd gone home for a family emergency, but it was obvious they were lying. I snuck out and heard them talking about a search party, so I got into the back of one of the trucks."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." He sounded casual about it, like it wasn't much.
"How come you found me, not them."
Peter clenched his jaw at that, and when he spoke his voice was quietly furious. "Bret saw you fall. He was laughing about it in the dorm."
"Oh." Jared remembered instantly how much he hated Bret. "I hate him."
"I know. Least it meant I knew where to look, though."
Jared didn't know what to say then. He was very aware that he was basically clinging to Peter, and that was probably weird. But Peter was holding him tight, so maybe it wasn't too weird. And it was cold. He decided that unless Peter let go of him he didn't have to worry about it. He didn't say anything, just rested again. Listened to Peter's heartbeat.
Jared dreamed that he was in the desert in a shopping mall, there was dust and it was too loud. He'd found something which he'd lost ages ago. He was carrying it somewhere, but the wind kept trying to take it.
He woke up and Peter was humming quietly. He was also holding Jared's hand between his, pressing feeling back into his fingers.
"Why're you here?" Jared said after a few minutes, confused.
"What?"
"Why'd you even come?"
He knew he'd got his tone wrong; Peter's body stiffened immediately, he almost threw Jared's hand back at him. "Yeah, don't thank me or anything."
"No, I didn't mean it like..."
"I know it doesn't change anything, if that's what you're worried about," Peter ground out.
Jared's throat ached, blocking breath and words. Peter's sudden anger hit right through him, a physical shock sending his heartbeat racing, and he was shaking suddenly. He shook his head, his eyes burned, and he felt far away, scared. But it was only for a minute. He forced in a long breath.
Peter was holding him gently again the anger gone from his touch quicker than it had come.
"What's wrong?" Peter asked, his voice soft with fear.
Jared shook his head, nothing was wrong, but he didn't want to say the wrong thing, didn't want Peter to hate him and didn't know if he already did.
Peter held him like that for a while, when he spoke again his voice was forced and low, but panic built with every word. "There wasn't a radio in the pack - they must have taken them out before I got one. But I've lit a fire, so they'll see that. They'll find us really soon, Jared. You just have to stay warm. I think you're okay. I mean I can't see anything that's- but if you're not okay, if you're- if there's- I don't know what-"
Peter's panic cut through Jared's own. "I'm fine," he said quickly. And he made eye contact so Peter would believe him. Peter nodded, and he relaxed marginally which was enough for now.
It doesn't change anything, Peter had said, Jared repeated it to himself, feeling it cutting him apart inside.
They lay still for a long while.
"I'm glad you're here," Jared said quietly, eventually, looking down between them instead of up at Peter. Bracing himself in case Peter was angry. He wondered if he should say more, a proper thank you. But he didn't know how to start.
Peter took a long time answering. "Well Jackson wasn't here, was he?"
"What?"
"Jackson. He's your best friend right?"
Jared just stared at him. The only Jackson he knew was a guy on his polo team, they were in the same math class and Jared had let him copy his work a couple of times in the locker room. He wouldn't call him a friend. He wasn't sure he knew his full name.
"I heard you telling someone during the games on the first night."
Oh yeah. Jared remembered that now.
He looked at Peter, trying to decipher what he was really saying, but Peter was distracted. He was looking at the fire again, and then out into the night.
"Maybe I should go for help."
"No." That came out without a thought, and Jared shook his head helplessly, trying to think of a reason he could give that wasn't pathetic. But his pulse was already racing again, and he didn't have the energy to think. "Don't leave me on my own," he said.
Peter didn't drop his gaze, didn't have to because there was nothing to hide. "Yeah, probably just get lost out there myself. Better to stay with the fire." Easy as that, letting Jared off without making him feel bad.
Jared sighed. Instant understanding and support no matter what. Since they were ten. He'd hated every moment of every day he'd spent without it.
Peter made him drink more water, then went to load up the fire again. Jared let him go as if it were the most casual easy thing in the world. Then he took the opportunity to look around him, actually take it in for the first time.
They were in a small cave, although it barely deserved the name, it only stretched a few feet back into the rock. It was dry, though, and mostly out of the wind. He could see the stars above, and the snow on the ground, but only where it was lit by the firelight; without it he wouldn't be able to see more than six inches in front of his nose. He shivered and pulled the blankets tighter.
His clothes were in front of the fire. Jared didn't remember taking them off, but he realised the sweater he was in must be Peter's. The waterproof pants too. He didn't know how to think about that so he didn't.
Peter handed him half an energy bar. He frowned at it, not sure if he had the energy to chew.
"Eat it," Peter murmured firmly, so he did.
Peter didn't come and lie back down with him. He sat cross-legged on the edge of the blanket, wrapped in his coat, looking at the fire and eating his own half of the bar.
Jared couldn't work out if the silence was companionable or awkward.
"How's your mom?" he asked, to fill the gap.
"She's a mess."
"Huh? Why?"
Peter didn't look at him and didn't answer until he'd finished eating. "Dad left us."
Jared stopped chewing and stared at him open mouthed.
"It's not a big deal," Peter said, in a tone that sounded practised and which Jared thought might fool nearly anyone else in the world.
He wanted to know when, why, and everything that had happened. But he didn't know if he had any right to ask, or if this was the right time even if he did. Peter had said us, 'left us', that make Jared's heart cold.
He tried not to stare, which was made easier because the whole world was spinning again. He lay back down and closed his eyes.
"I didn't know." That was a stupid thing to say but he didn't have anything else to say.
"Well you weren't there."
Jared clenched his teeth. "I would have been." If he'd known, if Peter had called.
He opened his eyes to glance over, see if that meant anything, but just opening his eyes again made nausea well up in his chest, he rolled to one side worried he'd keep going because the ground was moving under him, he might just roll and roll off the edge of the world. And he heaved, stomach revolting against even the mouthful of food he'd managed to swallow.
Peter's hands were firm, holding him steady almost immediately, whispering again that he was okay. Peter waited til it was over then let him rinse his mouth with water. He pulled him gently over the other way, shifted their blankets a little so it wouldn't get in the mess.
"Sorry."
Peter shook his head, but it was a waste of their food and water, Jared knew that, he felt awful, what if no one came, obviously no one would come, they might be anywhere, it was some sort of miracle that Peter had found him, and now they were going to die, he shouldn't have eaten food, Peter would need it. He was shivering again, shaking hard, and Peter pulled him right up close, wrapped the blanket up over Jared's head, cocooning him. "S'okay," he kept saying, and Jared let him believe it while his mind wandered uncontrolled through the worst scenarios he could find, bears would eat them, the mountain would fall on them, their blankets were on fire, he tried to tell Peter, but Peter just shushed him and stroked him and shushed him.
He woke up with Peter stroking his face gently, not shaking him, but nudging him a bit.
"Hey." Jared was still cold. He thought he could see snow falling again. But he also thought he could see light around Peter, deep green. So maybe he wouldn't listen to his eyes too much.
"Hey." Peter pulled him closer.
Jared pressed gratefully into Peter's warmth, but he dipped his fingers into the light a few times first, relieved he couldn't feel it.
"You okay?" Peter asked.
"Think so." He took a few long breaths and felt more sure about it.
"You know who I am?" Peter asked.
"What? Yes."
"Who?"
"What?"
"Who am I?"
Jared thought this was hilarious, his head was filled with air, he could barely laugh because it hurt too much, he just made sad wheezing sounds and had to stop because his insides ached. He grinned and poked Peter's chest. "You don't know who you are!" Said it like it was the cleverest joke he'd ever made.
Peter looked at him, clearly trying to work out if he was being worrying or annoying. "Come on, I've seen it on tv, you're meant to know who I am and who the president is."
"I know you're not the president."
"Just say my name."
"Ass face." Jared laughed again at his brilliance, and this time Peter laughed too. It made Jared warmer than any fire could. And it calmed him down inside. "I know who you are, Peter, okay? Quit worrying."
Peter didn't look totally convinced, but he nodded slightly. The light around him was almost gone now, chased off by the brightness of the fire.
"How long was I asleep?"
"Only a few minutes. I didn't know if I should let you sleep or what. You were saying stuff."
"In my sleep?"
"Before."
Jared tried to think back but he couldn't. Nothing about the past few hours seemed in any particular order any more, everything was hazy, only split into 'before Peter showed up' and 'after Peter showed up'.
"What sort of stuff?"
"Mostly about bears."
Jared frowned. He couldn't remember if there were bears out here. Would they have let them come if there were bears?
"There aren't any bears," Peter said, reading his mind as if it were nothing.
He smiled. He felt sane again. "I missed you," he murmured. He remembered it was wrong just as he said it. Nothing had changed, Peter had said before.
"Yeah?"
Jared shrugged, hoping it would mean anything and nothing.
"You stopped coming round," Peter said neutrally and Jared caught his breath because apparently they were actually going to talk about this.
"You didn't call any more."
"Yeah." Peter thought about that for a while. "You didn't come to the match."
Peter's first football match on the main squad. Jared had wanted to be there, but he'd had a fucking detention and Peter knew that. Probably knew that. Jared figured it was something he would have told him. And after that Jared hadn't been invited to any other games, probably because Peter didn't like having him near his new friends in case he embarrassed him.
"You saw Bon Jovi without me," Jared said, then bit his lip because it had come out way more bitter than he'd thought it would and it made his stomach ache a little thinking about it even now. It wasn't even like they were his favourite band, but Peter loved them and they'd planned it for years, soon as one of them got their license they were going to go. But instead Peter had gone without him. He'd only found out because some guy at school had seen him there.
"Well you weren't fucking talking to me any more, what was I meant to do? You can't be pissed that I made new friends."
"No." Fuck off, he totally wasn't. Peter was allowed other friends. He just wasn't supposed to like them more than Jared. He didn't say that. He just said, "But your friends are dickwads."
"They're not -" He had to stop because it was a lie, Jared could hear it in his voice.
"They are. And you're different when you're with them. You're not like you."
They were quiet for a moment, not sure where they were going. Then Peter took a deep breath.
"It was crazy not having you at school. And everything was fucked up at home. I just made friends with the first guys who... they're on the team, I wanted them to like me. But I haven't even told them about my dad." Peter got quieter. "I think they'd laugh at me, you know? We don't really talk much about anything."
"Oh." Jared hated feeling happy that Peter didn't really like his friends, but he was tired, so he just let it happen. "Sorry."
Peter shrugged. "And you had all your school stuff, you were always busy. I gave up calling because your dad was always so happy when you were too busy to talk to me. He made it sound like you were..."
"What?"
"I don't know. Like you'd moved on."
"You do know that you're not supposed to listen to anything my dad says ever?"
Peter smiled a little at that.
"He made me join like ten clubs, so it'll look good on my college application. I hate basically all of them but if I quit any I lose my allowance."
"He's a dick," Peter said.
"Yep."
"We could hang out more," Peter said carefully. "If you want."
Jared wanted. And he knew that however casually it was phrased, it was what Peter wanted too. He pressed into Peter's chest, closed his eyes, and Peter's arms came really tight about him. Jared let it last a couple of long minutes, then said, "Can't," quietly, and felt Peter tense.
"What?"
"Can't hang out with you, not after this."
"Huh?" Peter pushed him away a bit, his expression was at least ninety nine percent sure Jared was kidding but one percent confused and worried. Jared liked that, it felt familiar, he fought not to smile at him.
"It'll be unbearable. You're going to be bragging about saving my life, making me fetch you stuff, do your homework, it's so not worth it for me."
He grinned as Peter did, and then tensed because usually Peter would have attacked him for it. But he couldn't this time because he was still being gentle, so they ended up in a tight hug again instead and Jared couldn't argue with that.
"What about if you just promise to serve me and obey me for two or three years, and then after that I'll never mention it again," Peter offered. Jared shook his head. "One year?" Another shake. "Six months?"
"One week."
"I save your life and I only get one week bragging rights?"
"Someone would have found me if you didn't," Jared said, knowing it wasn't true but hoping Peter would let it slide, it was easier if he didn't have to acknowledge how close he'd come to dying, not yet.
"Yeah, probably. But it was still heroic."
Jared shrugged like it wasn't all that. "Two weeks."
Peter sighed. "Okay, two weeks of you making it up to me, and then one year of being allowed to use it to win arguments whenever I want to."
"And after that?"
"We never mention it again."
Jared nodded, that sounded like a good deal. "Okay."
"Okay."
They were quiet for a while. Then Peter asked how Leonard had managed to force Jared here. They talked for ages, about family stuff, school stuff, girl stuff, filling in all the gaps from the last few months, and Jared felt more solid with every word.
"I'm sorry I missed your birthday," Peter said.
Jared shrugged, making like his sixteenth birthday hadn't been the worst thing ever. He'd planned a party, but then he'd sat with the invitations in his hand, wondering which was worse, not to even invite Peter or to invite him and have him not come. In the end he'd told his mom he didn't want a party after all. Which would have been bad enough. But then his fucking dad had taken the opportunity to have a family-get-together-cum-business-lunch instead, showing Jared off and playing the family man in front of all his dickhead colleagues.
"Doesn't matter."
Peter seemed to know not to ask any questions about it, but Jared would tell him eventually. He always told him everything eventually.
After that Peter had to go and fetch more wood for the fire. He disappeared into the dark, swallowed up by it in seconds despite the flashlight. Jared wrapped his hands in the sleeves of Peter's sweater and pulled it tight around him. He counted time while he was gone, nearly eleven minutes.
The new wood was damp and mossy, it spat and snapped in the fire, but the flames leaped higher all the same.
Peter settled back down with Jared, and Jared's heartbeat calmed itself down.
"We're good at this," Jared said, ignoring the fact that he was doing nothing except lying around shivering and it was Peter who had found shelter and built fire.
"Yeah, we should totally stay out here. It'd serve our dads right if they never found us."
There was a hardness in Peter's voice that had never been there before; Jared hated Peter's dad for a long hard second but let it pass.
"We'd need a bigger cave," he said thoughtfully.
Peter nodded. "And mattresses." Jared agreed, the ground was all very well now it had stopped spinning and tilting, but it was hard. "Pillows," Peter said longingly.
"Chocolate."
"Television."
"Comics."
"Burgers."
"We'll buy somewhere, after college. A cave but in the middle of town, with shops and stuff."
Peter went quiet. "Yeah," he said, in a way that meant no. "I don't know."
"Know what?"
"About college."
"What about it?"
"My grades aren't that good."
Peter's grades had never been amazing, but he kept them good, kept them up because Jared and he were going to college together. That had been the plan ever since their first careers day, years ago.
"You don't want to do law?" Jared kept most of the pain out of his voice.
Peter shrugged. "The guys laughed when I told them, and they're right, Jared. I was fooling myself. I can barely pass high school, how am I gonna pass the bar?"
"Cause I'm gonna help you." Peter looked unconvinced, but that was okay, Jared had always been convinced enough for the both of them. "And if you don't then we'll just do something else, go round the world, or take up magic."
"Yeah?"
Jared nodded firmly. He could hear the smile back in Peter's voice. Fuck his friends making him feel like he wasn't good enough. He'd be an amazing lawyer, they both would, and they'd live in a cave, but a huge one with a jukebox and a pool and one tap for milkshake and another for beer. It was going to be fine.
He was tired again, struggling to keep his eyes open. He thought there were lights in the wood, but he didn't want to worry Peter if he was imagining things so he didn't say anything. Besides he was comfortable now, it wasn't so cold. He'd just go to sleep and in the morning they'd find their own way out.
But Peter noticed them, and he let go of Jared in a rush, untangling himself from the blanket and hurrying out to find them, yelling and flashing his light. Jared pulled the blankets back tight around him and went to sleep. He didn't need to worry, Peter would take care of it.
.
Pairing: Peter&Jared
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~6500
Warnings: None
Summary: Peter and Jared teenage cave fic.
"Do you know if your friend's coming?" Shelley asked from the seat in front of Jared's on the minibus.
"Who?"
"You know, from the state school, really really bad at strip poker," she said with a grin.
"Oh, Peter. I don't know." A nonchalant shrug.
"If he is will you introduce me?"
Jared smiled, not feeling it, but doing it anyway. "Sure, yeah."
She turned back around, satisfied. Jared went back to his book and ignored the lump in his throat.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
The bus left the city far behind and wound its way into the mountains, to some resort the school board had got on the cheap in the off-season. Eventually they pulled up in front of some low wooden huts which would be their home for the weekend. They were old, the paint flaking off and the steps rotting. Jared wasn't surprised, the whole thing was running on next to no funding, local firms - his dad's included - looking to get as much good press as possible for as little cash.
He got off the bus, greeted by the freezing mountain air, and Peter was the first thing he saw. The only thing he saw if he wanted to be truthful about it.
Jared hadn't seen him for two months, hadn't properly talked to him in twice that. But he hadn't really changed, slightly taller, and his hair cut shorter. He hadn't seen him since the party Shelley had been talking about; a party which Jared had been invited to, rather than helped plan. And a party Peter had spent with his new friends, laughing about in jokes Jared didn't understand, things that were only funny if you'd been there. A party Jared had spent feeling like he was dying inside because Peter hardly looked at him, and worse because they had nothing to talk about when he did.
Now he was standing laughing with his tall, sporty friends, and chatting up Emily Price, the prettiest girl in Jared's whole school. Jared kept his head down and walked past them, looking for hut C and hoping desperately that fate wasn't cruel enough to put him in Peter's dorm.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Jared lucked out, dorms were segregated by school. He picked a bottom bunk, and lay low there all afternoon. He could hear everyone else exploring the camp, and each other, but he didn't want any part of it. He buried himself in his book.
In the evening there was a barbecue and bonfire, with 'getting to know you' exercises. Jared couldn't think of anything he wanted less than to get to know anyone here. He just wanted to live through it and then go home. But his absence was noticed and a teacher came to fetch him.
There were maybe forty students altogether, sixteen and seventeen year olds which made Jared was one of the youngest, having only turned sixteen last month. A mixture from all three schools of the local area, gathered together for an outdoor wilderness experience. It was supposed to "foster friendship and understanding between the different student populations". Everyone at the schools knew it would only foster bullying and cement feuds, but someone high up had decided it was just a swell idea so here they were.
First they were arranged into an inner and outer circle and they had to move round in opposite directions, stopping when the music did and talking to the person in front of them about whatever stupid topic the guy leading this whole thing gave them.
Jared was outside, Peter in. They caught each others eye the first time past, and Peter sort of nodded a hello. Jared would have done too, but by then he was already gone. From then on he just kept his eyes down.
Until after a few rounds the music stopped them right opposite one another.
"Hey," Peter said. "Didn't know you'd be here."
"Yeah, dad's idea," Jared replied and then looked away from the all too familiar understanding in Peter's eyes.
The sound of the microphone cut in. "Tell each other about your teddy bear when you were young," a voice instructed.
Peter and Jared both pulled faces at the lameness of the question, nearly identical expressions. Jared had forgotten what that felt like.
"Sammy," Peter said.
Jared smiled, that was his own bear, not Peter's. "Princess Flower," he said in reply, but quietly so nobody near them would be able to tease Peter about his love for an old hippy rag doll.
"Yeah," Peter said quietly, in a tone Jared didn't quite understand, but it didn't matter because the music started again and they moved on.
The next time the music stopped the topic was worse. "Tell each other about your best friend."
Jared listened while some girl told him that her best friend was Tracy and they were in the chess club and they'd met last month at the interstate championships and they spoke on the phone every day.
"How about you?" she asked brightly.
"Uh," Jared shook his head a tiny bit, but he knew he had to say something or she was going to think he was a total loser. "Jackson, he's in my class, we're on the polo team."
The music started and they moved on again.
There were more 'games' and then food and dancing. If anyone had asked him he would have sworn blind he hadn't really thought about Peter for months, but it had always been a lie and now it was impossible to fake. Even over all the noise, all the people, he could hear when Peter laughed, his eyes searched him out despite himself. He couldn't hear anything people said, could barely eat. He left early and went back to his bunk.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
The next morning was easy. They had lessons in reading maps and compasses. Basic orientation stuff. Jared found he could keep to himself quite easily, stay at the edge of the group and learn enough to pass the quick test they had before lunch.
Then the afternoon was given over to building shelters, rafts, and traps. They were split into groups of five. Peter was over on the other side of the lake from Jared, but one of his friends, Bret, was in Jared's team.
Jared didn't pay much attention to the instructions because he couldn't concentrate any better here than he did at school or anywhere else these days. And he knew he wasn't helping much with the building either. They didn't need him anyhow, Bret seemed to assume he was in charge, and they all went along with it because they didn't care one way or the other.
Bret designed a terrible shelter, and then got furious when anyone made any suggestions or changes. It turned out wobbly and top heavy. Jared and Peter had spent most of the summer when they were twelve building dens in the forest so Jared knew all the mistakes Bret was making. But Bret didn't want to hear them and Jared didn't care enough to try twice.
Anna was a quiet girl, the kind of plain that made Jared shy to ask where she was from in case she was in his class and he'd just never noticed. She didn't seem to want to be there any more than Jared did, and quite clearly didn't like Bret much, rolling her eyes and sighing behind his back. Jared loved her for it.
About two hours into the whole thing she tripped and fell. She did it in such an explosion that it brought the entire shelter - such that it was - down with her into the mud. It was the funniest thing Jared had ever seen. He held back laughter until she started laughing herself, then joined in helplessly. The shelter was in ruins and they only had about ten minutes left on it. He held out his hand to help her back up.
"Just leave her there, she'll be more help out of the fucking way," Bret said, angrily. Not laughing, not even close.
"Dude, give it a rest," Jared said, pulling Anna to her feet.
Bret looked at him. "You know Pete always talked about you like you were cool," he said. "Guess people change, huh?" He stormed off to shout at the rest of their group who were making a start on the raft.
"Ignore him," Anna said as Jared mouthed 'Pete?' with a look of disgust. "He's in my class, always been a dick, always will be. Thinks he's all that, good looking, on the football team. Him, Evan and Pete. Knobheads one and all, but they think they rule the school."
Jared stared at her open mouthed until he noticed she was looking at him funny. "Peter's, uh, sort of... I didn't think he was like that," he said weakly.
Anna looked surprised. "Is he your friend?"
Jared shrugged like he didn't know. Because he didn't know.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Later they all gathered by the lake to test the rafts. They didn't have to go out on them thank god, Jared could see his breath in the air so the water must be freezing. But they were going to be launched, to see if they could float and take the weight of a couple of large rocks.
Jared's group had come last in shelter building, hadn't really excelled in the trapping or tracking tests either. Bret was fuming and Peter and Evan - their team easily out in front - had been teasing him about it, making it worse. Jared looked at their 'raft' critically. He didn't think Bret's day was about to get any better.
It floated. Or half of it did. Sort of just under the surface of the water. But it didn't sink completely. Jared thought that was pretty good. Bret didn't. Peter and Evan started loudly humming the funeral march.
"Tomorrow I'm on your team or I'm heading home," Bret said to them loudly. "Had to lead this lot through every single step and they still couldn't tie a fucking knot properly."
Evan grinned. "Thought you said shorty was pretty smart, Pete. Don't know what they're teaching over at high tower, probably just which spoon to use for caviar, and how to tie a bowtie."
"How to suck ass at the golf club," Bret added, walking to stand with them rather than his own team. "Kissing up to other rich folks, getting deals the rest of us could do twice as good if our daddies knew the right people."
Jared didn't look at them, because he didn't want to see what Peter was doing. Peter wasn't saying anything in his defence, which was all Jared really needed to know, he didn't need to see him smiling or laughing too.
He looked at the ground until Anna came over and started chatting to him, pointedly ignoring them. Then she pulled him away to look at how the next raft along was getting on. Jared loved her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
He woke up the next day with a vague sense of optimism that the worst of it was over. There was more free time this morning, then a hike in the afternoon. And tomorrow they'd let him go home.
His optimism was diminished when he realised they were going to drive them out into the middle of nowhere and expect them to find their own way home again. He'd been planning - same as most of the camp probably - to set out, hole up somewhere for the day, and then show up again in time for supper and claim he'd done the whole thing.
But in the end it wasn't so bad. He managed to get left on his own, it was pretty easy walking, seemed like it'd all be downhill back to camp. Then he tripped on a root, slipped on ice trying to correct himself, and his feet flew out from under him.
He flew down the hillside. It was steep, branches and rocks grazing him as he desperately struggled to stop himself.
When he finally did stop it was because he got caught around a tree, knocking the breath out of him, a lancing pain shooting through his middle. For a minute or two he couldn't remember where he was or how he'd got there. His head swam. His ankle hurt and there was blood on his arm, dizzily he thought he must have been attacked. Then he shook it off, he'd fallen, that was all.
He picked himself up. His ankle was badly twisted, but probably not broken. He was grazed all over his arms, had a huge bump on his head, and he was going to have the most amazing bruise where the tree had finally caught him, but apart from that he was basically in one piece.
He even thought that perhaps this would be better than spending the rest of the day trekking up and down mountains. This way they'd figure out he was missing and come fetch him, and he couldn't get into trouble for falling. They'd drive him back. Maybe even let him go home tonight instead of tomorrow morning.
Then he noticed he'd lost his pack with the radio in it, and the food, the map, the compass... He frowned. He thought then that maybe he'd been slightly stupid to separate from his group. Maybe something more than stupid. He wished it wasn't raining.
An hour later, and he missed the rain. The sleet was worse. It had been a cold day, the ground was already frozen, so the sleet was settling, making everything blind underfoot, and nearly impossible to see more than a yard in front of him. It was early in the year for snow. Or late. Jared couldn't remember. It wasn't right though, and it was dark, much darker than it should be. He'd spent the hour trying to make his way back up the hill, keeping an eye out for his pack, but he hadn't found it; and he hadn't found the path either. He had a headache and it was getting colder every second. He'd lost one glove in the fall, and a little later he'd misjudged a leap across a stream and ended up with water in both his boots. His ankle was worse than ever.
He tried to remember anything the instructors had tried to teach him the day before, but all he could really remember them saying was how important it was to stay with your group and not leave the paths. He sighed and kept trudging forward.
Time passed and he was pretty sure he was going in circles. Sometimes he couldn't remember if he'd been out here for hours or days.
It had started to snow properly, heavy and thick, and the trees were denser here, blocking the light. Jared's whole body ached, his legs were heavy and his head was floating. There was blood in his mouth where he'd bitten the inside of his cheek. He decided to sit for a while, get his strength before he carried on. They'd find him soon.
He woke up with cramps in his stomach. He leaned over and vomited. He rinsed his mouth with snow which made his teeth hurt.
He was shivering so hard he could barely see, and besides that snow was camouflaging everything. He couldn't even remember what direction he'd been walking in before he sat down. The wind blasted in his face and he shuddered, it took everything he had to force himself to his feet. He could hardly walk now, he tried to shelter behind a tree, but the wind was apparently coming from everywhere at once now. He should build a shelter. A better shelter than the one fucking Bret had made. He was going to do that. In a minute.
He sat down again to think about it, decide where it would be best to put it, to make a plan. He rubbed his hands together. He thought about how furious his dad would be if he died during an outdoor survival weekend which his dad's firm were sponsoring. A bubble of laughter escaped him at that. It would be worth dying just to see the look on his face. Another laugh. He closed his eyes just for a minute.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Someone was shaking him, touching him, he hurt everywhere, he was asleep, he wanted to stay asleep, someone was shaking him.
"Don'," he said, trying to shove whoever it was away. He was dying and they shouldn't bother him when he was dying. "G'off."
Dizziness engulfed him, and he could see white mist even though his eyes were closed. It was in his head with him, white mist everywhere, he breathed it in, faded away.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
"You're okay, you're okay, talk to me, come on."
There was warmth in front of him, Jared pressed into it, trying to get away from the noise, the voice that wouldn't be quiet. It took a long time until he realised the noise and the warmth were the same thing.
"Shhhhh," he said, shivering. His head hurt. "Shh."
"Can you hear me? Jared? Are you okay?"
Jared was tired, he tried to move but arms held him steady. The mist was still there, at the edges. He turned towards it-
"Don't."
Something shook him, pain flared and his eyes blinked open in surprise, but it was dark and he couldn't focus, he was tired.
"Stay awake, okay, just stay here."
He hit at the arms that were shaking him, meaning to get away, but all he actually did was grip them weakly and try to hold on. They were solid and real and he needed to keep hold of something real. He tried to speak but his voice wasn't there, he started coughing instead and suddenly the arms were the only thing keeping him together.
"It's okay."
There was water against his lips as the coughing passed. He opened his mouth and swallowed. It was so cold it sharpened the pain in his head, and his throat, but it woke him some more too, pushed away the mist.
"Hey." The voice was warm and familiar.
Jared thought it must be his brother, which was weird because he didn't have one. He was tired.
"It's me. It's Peter."
It wasn't Peter. Peter wasn't here, he was warm and safe some place else, with his tall athletic dick friends.
"You're okay."
Jared was pretty sure he wasn't that okay. He hurt. All over. His eyes still weren't focusing, it was dark but there was some light he saw now, flickering.
"You're okay."
It didn't sound like Peter, it sounded broken and hoarse.
"What's... where're?" He couldn't manage sentences, could barely manage words. He was deeply profoundly tired.
"Don't worry, just stay with me," Peter said. "Shit, I thought you were..." He didn't say it and didn't need to. "Fuck."
He didn't explain, just kept repeating 'you're okay' like a mantra. Jared liked it, he was floating but he could feel the beat of that holding him up.
Peter made Jared take another sip of water, and then went to put more wood on the fire. When he came back he wrapped him up tightly in an emergency blanket, tucking it in all around him. Jared thought they might be on a boat. He couldn't remember why they were on a boat, but he couldn't remember a reason for being cold and hurt either, and it would explain why the ground was moving under him, and there was a roar in his ears that might be waves. He decided not to worry about it, Peter went sailing with his dad once, he'd know what to do.
After a while Jared noticed that Peter was shivering next to him, he frowned because it wasn't that cold any more. Then he noticed that he was lying on one thick silver blanket and had another wrapped over him, while Peter didn't have any. He rolled to get off the one blanket and hand it over, but Peter's hands caught him and easily stopped him.
"What're you doing?"
"S'cold," he said blurrily. "You need..." He tugged at the blanket to get it to Peter, but it was very hard keeping his eyes open, and his hands didn't seem to be where he thought they were.
"You have to keep warm," Peter said.
Jared nodded. That was important. The sea was cold. He tugged Peter to come closer so he could catch him if he fell. Peter only resisted for a second, then gratefully moved in under the blanket that Jared lifted for him. Jared pressed the full length of his body against Peter, slipped his arms around him, under Peter's thick coat. He didn't have a sweater on, Jared frowned at that. Stupid to come to sea without a sweater. After a second Peter put his arms around him and pulled the blanket securely around them both.
They lay like that for what seemed a long time. Warmth slowly seeped into Jared's skin, though he didn't expect it would ever reach his bones. He zoned out for a long while. Aware of warmth, and of Peter's hand stroking his back. Aware of Peter still muttering 'you're okay' every now and then. Aware of Peter breathing, Jared breathed in time.
"Shouldn've a fire."
"What?"
"Fire onna boat."
"Shhhh. You're okay."
Jared dreamed that he was in a bubble on the ocean, no shore in sight. No stars either. Just darkness and waves. But he was safe.
He opened his eyes and the world swam.
He closed them again.
"Feet."
"You okay?"
Jared shook his head. "Don' have feet."
Peter let go of him. Peter was going to leave him because he didn't have feet. He didn't need Peter anyway if he was going to be like that.
Peter pulled at the blanket, letting the cold air into the pocket of warmth they'd been living in until then. Jared tried to kick him and was happily surprised to find he had feet to kick with. Peter caught one foot easily and slipped it into a scruffy grey sock. Then he did the same with Jared's other foot, being gentler because every time he touched it pain ran from Jared's ankle to his knee. Then Peter came back under the blanket and held Jared just as close as before and rubbed his hands over Jared's back, getting them both warm again while Jared let his eyes drift closed. Let his thoughts drift away again.
He didn't know how much time passed, but eventually his thoughts started joining up a little. He still felt like the world was tipping, like he would slide away any moment, but he could open his eyes without heaving. And he got enough feeling back in his body that he could feel how cold he was. And bruised. His ankle was throbbing in time with his pulse.
They weren't at sea. Jared remembered the camp, parts of it at least. He remembered falling, although in his head it felt like a long time ago, months maybe. It hurt, trying to make sense of it.
And Peter was holding him. He'd found him even though Jared himself had no idea where he was, and even though they weren't friends any more.
"How'd you find me?"
"They told us you'd gone home for a family emergency, but it was obvious they were lying. I snuck out and heard them talking about a search party, so I got into the back of one of the trucks."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." He sounded casual about it, like it wasn't much.
"How come you found me, not them."
Peter clenched his jaw at that, and when he spoke his voice was quietly furious. "Bret saw you fall. He was laughing about it in the dorm."
"Oh." Jared remembered instantly how much he hated Bret. "I hate him."
"I know. Least it meant I knew where to look, though."
Jared didn't know what to say then. He was very aware that he was basically clinging to Peter, and that was probably weird. But Peter was holding him tight, so maybe it wasn't too weird. And it was cold. He decided that unless Peter let go of him he didn't have to worry about it. He didn't say anything, just rested again. Listened to Peter's heartbeat.
Jared dreamed that he was in the desert in a shopping mall, there was dust and it was too loud. He'd found something which he'd lost ages ago. He was carrying it somewhere, but the wind kept trying to take it.
He woke up and Peter was humming quietly. He was also holding Jared's hand between his, pressing feeling back into his fingers.
"Why're you here?" Jared said after a few minutes, confused.
"What?"
"Why'd you even come?"
He knew he'd got his tone wrong; Peter's body stiffened immediately, he almost threw Jared's hand back at him. "Yeah, don't thank me or anything."
"No, I didn't mean it like..."
"I know it doesn't change anything, if that's what you're worried about," Peter ground out.
Jared's throat ached, blocking breath and words. Peter's sudden anger hit right through him, a physical shock sending his heartbeat racing, and he was shaking suddenly. He shook his head, his eyes burned, and he felt far away, scared. But it was only for a minute. He forced in a long breath.
Peter was holding him gently again the anger gone from his touch quicker than it had come.
"What's wrong?" Peter asked, his voice soft with fear.
Jared shook his head, nothing was wrong, but he didn't want to say the wrong thing, didn't want Peter to hate him and didn't know if he already did.
Peter held him like that for a while, when he spoke again his voice was forced and low, but panic built with every word. "There wasn't a radio in the pack - they must have taken them out before I got one. But I've lit a fire, so they'll see that. They'll find us really soon, Jared. You just have to stay warm. I think you're okay. I mean I can't see anything that's- but if you're not okay, if you're- if there's- I don't know what-"
Peter's panic cut through Jared's own. "I'm fine," he said quickly. And he made eye contact so Peter would believe him. Peter nodded, and he relaxed marginally which was enough for now.
It doesn't change anything, Peter had said, Jared repeated it to himself, feeling it cutting him apart inside.
They lay still for a long while.
"I'm glad you're here," Jared said quietly, eventually, looking down between them instead of up at Peter. Bracing himself in case Peter was angry. He wondered if he should say more, a proper thank you. But he didn't know how to start.
Peter took a long time answering. "Well Jackson wasn't here, was he?"
"What?"
"Jackson. He's your best friend right?"
Jared just stared at him. The only Jackson he knew was a guy on his polo team, they were in the same math class and Jared had let him copy his work a couple of times in the locker room. He wouldn't call him a friend. He wasn't sure he knew his full name.
"I heard you telling someone during the games on the first night."
Oh yeah. Jared remembered that now.
He looked at Peter, trying to decipher what he was really saying, but Peter was distracted. He was looking at the fire again, and then out into the night.
"Maybe I should go for help."
"No." That came out without a thought, and Jared shook his head helplessly, trying to think of a reason he could give that wasn't pathetic. But his pulse was already racing again, and he didn't have the energy to think. "Don't leave me on my own," he said.
Peter didn't drop his gaze, didn't have to because there was nothing to hide. "Yeah, probably just get lost out there myself. Better to stay with the fire." Easy as that, letting Jared off without making him feel bad.
Jared sighed. Instant understanding and support no matter what. Since they were ten. He'd hated every moment of every day he'd spent without it.
Peter made him drink more water, then went to load up the fire again. Jared let him go as if it were the most casual easy thing in the world. Then he took the opportunity to look around him, actually take it in for the first time.
They were in a small cave, although it barely deserved the name, it only stretched a few feet back into the rock. It was dry, though, and mostly out of the wind. He could see the stars above, and the snow on the ground, but only where it was lit by the firelight; without it he wouldn't be able to see more than six inches in front of his nose. He shivered and pulled the blankets tighter.
His clothes were in front of the fire. Jared didn't remember taking them off, but he realised the sweater he was in must be Peter's. The waterproof pants too. He didn't know how to think about that so he didn't.
Peter handed him half an energy bar. He frowned at it, not sure if he had the energy to chew.
"Eat it," Peter murmured firmly, so he did.
Peter didn't come and lie back down with him. He sat cross-legged on the edge of the blanket, wrapped in his coat, looking at the fire and eating his own half of the bar.
Jared couldn't work out if the silence was companionable or awkward.
"How's your mom?" he asked, to fill the gap.
"She's a mess."
"Huh? Why?"
Peter didn't look at him and didn't answer until he'd finished eating. "Dad left us."
Jared stopped chewing and stared at him open mouthed.
"It's not a big deal," Peter said, in a tone that sounded practised and which Jared thought might fool nearly anyone else in the world.
He wanted to know when, why, and everything that had happened. But he didn't know if he had any right to ask, or if this was the right time even if he did. Peter had said us, 'left us', that make Jared's heart cold.
He tried not to stare, which was made easier because the whole world was spinning again. He lay back down and closed his eyes.
"I didn't know." That was a stupid thing to say but he didn't have anything else to say.
"Well you weren't there."
Jared clenched his teeth. "I would have been." If he'd known, if Peter had called.
He opened his eyes to glance over, see if that meant anything, but just opening his eyes again made nausea well up in his chest, he rolled to one side worried he'd keep going because the ground was moving under him, he might just roll and roll off the edge of the world. And he heaved, stomach revolting against even the mouthful of food he'd managed to swallow.
Peter's hands were firm, holding him steady almost immediately, whispering again that he was okay. Peter waited til it was over then let him rinse his mouth with water. He pulled him gently over the other way, shifted their blankets a little so it wouldn't get in the mess.
"Sorry."
Peter shook his head, but it was a waste of their food and water, Jared knew that, he felt awful, what if no one came, obviously no one would come, they might be anywhere, it was some sort of miracle that Peter had found him, and now they were going to die, he shouldn't have eaten food, Peter would need it. He was shivering again, shaking hard, and Peter pulled him right up close, wrapped the blanket up over Jared's head, cocooning him. "S'okay," he kept saying, and Jared let him believe it while his mind wandered uncontrolled through the worst scenarios he could find, bears would eat them, the mountain would fall on them, their blankets were on fire, he tried to tell Peter, but Peter just shushed him and stroked him and shushed him.
He woke up with Peter stroking his face gently, not shaking him, but nudging him a bit.
"Hey." Jared was still cold. He thought he could see snow falling again. But he also thought he could see light around Peter, deep green. So maybe he wouldn't listen to his eyes too much.
"Hey." Peter pulled him closer.
Jared pressed gratefully into Peter's warmth, but he dipped his fingers into the light a few times first, relieved he couldn't feel it.
"You okay?" Peter asked.
"Think so." He took a few long breaths and felt more sure about it.
"You know who I am?" Peter asked.
"What? Yes."
"Who?"
"What?"
"Who am I?"
Jared thought this was hilarious, his head was filled with air, he could barely laugh because it hurt too much, he just made sad wheezing sounds and had to stop because his insides ached. He grinned and poked Peter's chest. "You don't know who you are!" Said it like it was the cleverest joke he'd ever made.
Peter looked at him, clearly trying to work out if he was being worrying or annoying. "Come on, I've seen it on tv, you're meant to know who I am and who the president is."
"I know you're not the president."
"Just say my name."
"Ass face." Jared laughed again at his brilliance, and this time Peter laughed too. It made Jared warmer than any fire could. And it calmed him down inside. "I know who you are, Peter, okay? Quit worrying."
Peter didn't look totally convinced, but he nodded slightly. The light around him was almost gone now, chased off by the brightness of the fire.
"How long was I asleep?"
"Only a few minutes. I didn't know if I should let you sleep or what. You were saying stuff."
"In my sleep?"
"Before."
Jared tried to think back but he couldn't. Nothing about the past few hours seemed in any particular order any more, everything was hazy, only split into 'before Peter showed up' and 'after Peter showed up'.
"What sort of stuff?"
"Mostly about bears."
Jared frowned. He couldn't remember if there were bears out here. Would they have let them come if there were bears?
"There aren't any bears," Peter said, reading his mind as if it were nothing.
He smiled. He felt sane again. "I missed you," he murmured. He remembered it was wrong just as he said it. Nothing had changed, Peter had said before.
"Yeah?"
Jared shrugged, hoping it would mean anything and nothing.
"You stopped coming round," Peter said neutrally and Jared caught his breath because apparently they were actually going to talk about this.
"You didn't call any more."
"Yeah." Peter thought about that for a while. "You didn't come to the match."
Peter's first football match on the main squad. Jared had wanted to be there, but he'd had a fucking detention and Peter knew that. Probably knew that. Jared figured it was something he would have told him. And after that Jared hadn't been invited to any other games, probably because Peter didn't like having him near his new friends in case he embarrassed him.
"You saw Bon Jovi without me," Jared said, then bit his lip because it had come out way more bitter than he'd thought it would and it made his stomach ache a little thinking about it even now. It wasn't even like they were his favourite band, but Peter loved them and they'd planned it for years, soon as one of them got their license they were going to go. But instead Peter had gone without him. He'd only found out because some guy at school had seen him there.
"Well you weren't fucking talking to me any more, what was I meant to do? You can't be pissed that I made new friends."
"No." Fuck off, he totally wasn't. Peter was allowed other friends. He just wasn't supposed to like them more than Jared. He didn't say that. He just said, "But your friends are dickwads."
"They're not -" He had to stop because it was a lie, Jared could hear it in his voice.
"They are. And you're different when you're with them. You're not like you."
They were quiet for a moment, not sure where they were going. Then Peter took a deep breath.
"It was crazy not having you at school. And everything was fucked up at home. I just made friends with the first guys who... they're on the team, I wanted them to like me. But I haven't even told them about my dad." Peter got quieter. "I think they'd laugh at me, you know? We don't really talk much about anything."
"Oh." Jared hated feeling happy that Peter didn't really like his friends, but he was tired, so he just let it happen. "Sorry."
Peter shrugged. "And you had all your school stuff, you were always busy. I gave up calling because your dad was always so happy when you were too busy to talk to me. He made it sound like you were..."
"What?"
"I don't know. Like you'd moved on."
"You do know that you're not supposed to listen to anything my dad says ever?"
Peter smiled a little at that.
"He made me join like ten clubs, so it'll look good on my college application. I hate basically all of them but if I quit any I lose my allowance."
"He's a dick," Peter said.
"Yep."
"We could hang out more," Peter said carefully. "If you want."
Jared wanted. And he knew that however casually it was phrased, it was what Peter wanted too. He pressed into Peter's chest, closed his eyes, and Peter's arms came really tight about him. Jared let it last a couple of long minutes, then said, "Can't," quietly, and felt Peter tense.
"What?"
"Can't hang out with you, not after this."
"Huh?" Peter pushed him away a bit, his expression was at least ninety nine percent sure Jared was kidding but one percent confused and worried. Jared liked that, it felt familiar, he fought not to smile at him.
"It'll be unbearable. You're going to be bragging about saving my life, making me fetch you stuff, do your homework, it's so not worth it for me."
He grinned as Peter did, and then tensed because usually Peter would have attacked him for it. But he couldn't this time because he was still being gentle, so they ended up in a tight hug again instead and Jared couldn't argue with that.
"What about if you just promise to serve me and obey me for two or three years, and then after that I'll never mention it again," Peter offered. Jared shook his head. "One year?" Another shake. "Six months?"
"One week."
"I save your life and I only get one week bragging rights?"
"Someone would have found me if you didn't," Jared said, knowing it wasn't true but hoping Peter would let it slide, it was easier if he didn't have to acknowledge how close he'd come to dying, not yet.
"Yeah, probably. But it was still heroic."
Jared shrugged like it wasn't all that. "Two weeks."
Peter sighed. "Okay, two weeks of you making it up to me, and then one year of being allowed to use it to win arguments whenever I want to."
"And after that?"
"We never mention it again."
Jared nodded, that sounded like a good deal. "Okay."
"Okay."
They were quiet for a while. Then Peter asked how Leonard had managed to force Jared here. They talked for ages, about family stuff, school stuff, girl stuff, filling in all the gaps from the last few months, and Jared felt more solid with every word.
"I'm sorry I missed your birthday," Peter said.
Jared shrugged, making like his sixteenth birthday hadn't been the worst thing ever. He'd planned a party, but then he'd sat with the invitations in his hand, wondering which was worse, not to even invite Peter or to invite him and have him not come. In the end he'd told his mom he didn't want a party after all. Which would have been bad enough. But then his fucking dad had taken the opportunity to have a family-get-together-cum-business-lunch instead, showing Jared off and playing the family man in front of all his dickhead colleagues.
"Doesn't matter."
Peter seemed to know not to ask any questions about it, but Jared would tell him eventually. He always told him everything eventually.
After that Peter had to go and fetch more wood for the fire. He disappeared into the dark, swallowed up by it in seconds despite the flashlight. Jared wrapped his hands in the sleeves of Peter's sweater and pulled it tight around him. He counted time while he was gone, nearly eleven minutes.
The new wood was damp and mossy, it spat and snapped in the fire, but the flames leaped higher all the same.
Peter settled back down with Jared, and Jared's heartbeat calmed itself down.
"We're good at this," Jared said, ignoring the fact that he was doing nothing except lying around shivering and it was Peter who had found shelter and built fire.
"Yeah, we should totally stay out here. It'd serve our dads right if they never found us."
There was a hardness in Peter's voice that had never been there before; Jared hated Peter's dad for a long hard second but let it pass.
"We'd need a bigger cave," he said thoughtfully.
Peter nodded. "And mattresses." Jared agreed, the ground was all very well now it had stopped spinning and tilting, but it was hard. "Pillows," Peter said longingly.
"Chocolate."
"Television."
"Comics."
"Burgers."
"We'll buy somewhere, after college. A cave but in the middle of town, with shops and stuff."
Peter went quiet. "Yeah," he said, in a way that meant no. "I don't know."
"Know what?"
"About college."
"What about it?"
"My grades aren't that good."
Peter's grades had never been amazing, but he kept them good, kept them up because Jared and he were going to college together. That had been the plan ever since their first careers day, years ago.
"You don't want to do law?" Jared kept most of the pain out of his voice.
Peter shrugged. "The guys laughed when I told them, and they're right, Jared. I was fooling myself. I can barely pass high school, how am I gonna pass the bar?"
"Cause I'm gonna help you." Peter looked unconvinced, but that was okay, Jared had always been convinced enough for the both of them. "And if you don't then we'll just do something else, go round the world, or take up magic."
"Yeah?"
Jared nodded firmly. He could hear the smile back in Peter's voice. Fuck his friends making him feel like he wasn't good enough. He'd be an amazing lawyer, they both would, and they'd live in a cave, but a huge one with a jukebox and a pool and one tap for milkshake and another for beer. It was going to be fine.
He was tired again, struggling to keep his eyes open. He thought there were lights in the wood, but he didn't want to worry Peter if he was imagining things so he didn't say anything. Besides he was comfortable now, it wasn't so cold. He'd just go to sleep and in the morning they'd find their own way out.
But Peter noticed them, and he let go of Jared in a rush, untangling himself from the blanket and hurrying out to find them, yelling and flashing his light. Jared pulled the blankets back tight around him and went to sleep. He didn't need to worry, Peter would take care of it.
.
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